Hush!

I have a secret. A secret, I’ve long decided, that I will never share with another soul. A secret, if shared, I’m afraid will be the end of the world as I know it.

A secret, in recent times, I’ve long to break. And yet at the precise moment that I loose my integrity, I thank god, I refrain.

This, I believe, is due to my belief that every man should have his secrets. Only then will one truly live. For a truly unique life is defined by its secrets.

Keeping a secret gives one a satisfaction of knowing something others do not. Something we can hold onto. Something another can never take away. Something I truly appreciate in life.

But to keep a secret is no menial feat. As secrets, like sentient beings, has its own life.

When a secret is first conceived, it is much similar to a newborn child. New secrets are rash, totally incomprehensible & eager to announce its arrival to the world.

And slowly but surely, as time passes, and as sure as a child would grow, our secrets gets older. They then tend to be more docile, less adventurous & often forgetful. In some humorous instances, they even forget themselves.

It is up to us to keep our secrets healthy as we do with our physique. Ah, but one must beware, as just as much as we are our own worst enemy, we too are the worst enemy of our secrets.

Many times too often, we let loose our tongue & bring swift death to our precious little secrets. And like most things we treasure, we do not realize the extensiveness of their value till they are gone forever. Like life, once it’s gone, it’s never coming back.

So my friends, treasure your secrets. Be a friend to them & somewhere down the road they may prove to be the little things that gets us through.

I’ve vowed to love my secret to the bone. I will cherish her till the very last second. The END?

Who's taken the Jam out of my doughnut?

Each year, there would be several occasions where I will hit a certain low in my life. I am so accustomed to it that I can sense whenever “it” approaches.

Now, I am not complaining about this as I do realize that, theoretically, I should have control of my emotions.

Yet I find it intriguing on why I have these lows and continue having them. I should be able to tell myself to have fun and not bother when it happens. I am the master of my life, so why can’t I be happy all the time, if that is what I really want.

This triggered my curiosity and after several extended ciggie breaks, I have come to a conclusion that I have a subconscious part of myself that loves this feeling.

Now before you judge me, I have also concluded that at least two thirds of me am very much inclined towards jovialness & happiness. I do fancy having laughs and look at things with a rather positive mindset.

So how does this all tie back to the misery dependant monster then? Well I am in the opinion that everything requires a certain balance. Just like night and day, a male & female, rain & shine, sex & self pleasure and etc, our lives need balance too.

It is impossible to be happy without being sad. Some may say this is preposterous but how would one know if they are happy if they feel happy all the time? If we feel happy all the time we would be indifference to the being happy. See my point?

So now I feel a little better as I have embraced a new part of me and accepted ‘her’ into this wonderfully strange and funny life of mine, my mistress of misery.

“How I miss your ranting, Do you miss my all time lows?” – Emily Haines on Combat Baby

“Yes I do.” – Herbzzz from The Electric Sky

The Electric Sky

Can you explain to me now?
If you're still able,
It's to late for me now,
There's a hole in the earth.....

-by Encik Chino Moreno-

This song is going on and on in my head! I wonder if it is because i've been listening to it everyday on my journey to & fro work : p

Which brings me to a new Job perk I've just discovered @_@.......

All this arranging and sending my staff to London means I have easy access to Albums that are easily available in the UK !!!! yeah! I am a bit slow to have only realised this now.

Oh i am so looking forward to get my copies of Albert Hammond Jr's (Guitarist from the Strokes) solo album and Origin of Symmetry by M.U.S.E.

I did find a copy of Origin once in Rock Corner but I regret I did not buy it straight away as it is so difficult to get a copy now.

My drive time is looking brighter : p

Tupai Memang Pandai Lompat....

Aiyo, sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself? It is so apparent what I have to do tapi bila masa tu sampai, tak boleh buat pulak…..

Apa I doing, I don’t know…

Why oh why? Is there a cure for this disease?

Strain this chaos turn it into light
I've got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere

You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones

There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have

****excerpt from You Are All I Have by PatrolSalji****

I am a Penguin in a Zoo......

I found out last night, at the Juice annual launch, that apparently I am referred to the ‘CB dude’ by colleagues of a mate of mine. CB = Cibai, due to my half Chinese (Chi) & half Punjabi (bai) heritage.

Wow! I think more people know me by The Cibai then my actual name LOL. Maybe, I should have a band of made up of Cibai’s and call ourselves The Cibai. Cibai Rocks!!

This triggered fond memories during my drive home from Chynna Bar. It is funny how people tend to always have nicknames for others. Can’t deny I am guilty of it.

Thinking back to my high school days, we all had nick names for every bloody one @_@. Hmmm, the following are some of mine which I still remember:

Cibai - the top of the lot, guess it’s the easiest to relate to and easy on the tongue lol, not to mention there where not a lot of real Cibai around @_#

Singh Babi - given by a certain Chinese Gorilla stuck in the middle of Melbourne

Vela Paandi - Tamil for White Pig, given by my dearest mate Scavenger Joe aka Jaya. I used to be fairer then most of my mates. Its not that I am damn fair or wat, its just that most my mates Indians lol

Penguin - My classmates called me this when they saw my feet during footie. I’ve got a big body but small feet. This triggered some of those small feet = small wiener jokes, which I believe to be untrue.

These are the only ones I remember but I am sure there where lots more. Hmm, how I used to so damn pissed off when people call me those names but now I think back and laugh. Funny times. I wished I had the super power to recall everyones Nicknames & the story behind it, sure damn kaww funny.

I feel a little nostalgic as I have lost touch with most of the guys which called me those names. So this is a dedication to all the Binatangs, 67s & Colour Wolves that I spent a good 11 years of my life with.

p.s: This is a disclaimer. The names above may only be used by the buggers that attended the same shit hole educational institution as myself. All others may only use the 1st on the list which I forgive due to the punt, you sick twats! ha ha ha ha!

Blackbird Singing In The Dead Of The Night...

Take this broken wings and learn to fly, All your life, You are only waiting for this moment to be free.....

I am free of shackles that bounds others, I am free of the fog that blinds some, I am free and I am me.

I see the world the way I want to, I feel my surroundings they way I prefer, I seek and I will find the littles joys I like.

I could be lonely and yet I am happy, I could be sick but yet I am jolly. I guess it all falls into place when i accepted the experience of life for what it is and not try to force what will not be.

some for better not forever......

p.s: I need to get off now, very tired and stressed. Mesti relaks!

Kereta Kecil Ku Menangis

Looks like my little darling will have to wait for her cosmetic surgery to be done, sigh! I was planning to go back to Ipoh this weekend considering the Bank Holidays to get my car fixed but I was informed this morning that it would take at least 3 DAYS of work!!

Geez, I did not realize that much time is required to paint a bumper and get it fixed. Guess if you can’t get a good job quick and I can rest my mind knowing that I am not getting ripped off by my mechanic. He better not considering I’ve known him for the last 8 years. At least I will get a long relaxing weekend leading to the Kanye West gig. Since I am not going back, I won’t need to rush back on Sunday morning.

With my current run of luck, I am afraid to travel on the highway else my sweethearts bum gets violated again.